Self Esteem

An open letter to my hurting sister

To my sister (s) and cister (s):

I know you were not born into the family that you needed or deserved. The one place you should have been free to be yourself hurt you. I know what it’s like to be angry and sad, sister, I do.

You have chosen a new family because your old family hurt too much.

You are with the partner you have now because it is better than staying with your own family. Be careful. I have been where you are. You may find yourself having to agree with things you do not agree with in order to survive life. You have to do and say things the way your new, chosen family wants otherwise you may find yourself with nowhere to go.

Risk is scary, the risk of leaving, the risk of staying. You can’t afford to live on your own. There is never enough money. And all of that is fine because right now you and your partner still get along great. The problem doesn’t come until you no longer agree, but you have no place to turn because you cut your family off.

Take your time and your space

Give yourself time and space to calm down and rest. Imagine what you would like your relationships with family members to look like. Talk with a therapist. There are many different types of therapists for different budgets. Find one you can afford to help you objectively look at your life. Come up with some ideas of how you want your life to be and slowly start working toward those goals.

Many relationships can be repaired. Start with one person at a time. I would recommend starting with the least scary (or most open) family member. Begin repairing your relationship with that person and then work your way on to the next one.

Chances are your family misses you, too

All families are imperfect. I am imperfect. You are imperfect. Let’s learn how to be imperfect together.

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